i don't know where to go,.

i don't know what to do.

everything is changing.

the future is uncertain.

i hate change.

in short, i am resistant to change.

i like things the way they are.

if it ain't broke, why fix it?

the future scares me.

when i cannot rely on my constant.

i like things comfortable.

i like routines.

i like neat lines; squares.

boxes.

i like things when they work.

i like things falling into place.

have you ever felt you were slowly being driving insane by the people around you?

i feel like that is happening to me.

i can't sleep well at night.

i keep having these nightmares of people i love abandoning me. ignoring me. leaving me.

and this fear grips my chest, i wake up, gasping for air, sweaty and disoriented.

in the day i have panic attacks. irrational fears flooding my head; making me physically ill.

i cry and feel like such a child.

i'm probably over hormonal as i write this,

but goddamnit why does my life have to be so bloody screwed up???

and why isit that the ONE PERSON I USUALLY ALWAYS RELY ON

is suddenly so distant?

i feel like if i reach too far i will fall over the edge.

i know i am not alone.

i have friends.

but really, not everyone knows me like you do.,

so why can't you need me the way I need you?

because, i say to myself, life is like that.

there is always going to be someone who cares more in a relationship,

that is life, and it sucks

but maybe that's the beauty of it. and someday, maybe, i hope i pray,

they will open their eyes and realize,

who has been there since the very beginning.

i am grasping at straws, for a lifeline that was there, but isn't anymore.

i feel like i am so very flawed,

and that people can see.

i don't like people knowing i am this way.

so that is why I always pretend I'm okay.

a big fake smile plastered on my face.

talking about people's problems just make me feel my life doesn't quite suck so much.

which sounds mean.

but i'm just being honest.

and for that one moment i feel like my problems weigh less.

have you heard of secrets?

the weight of them can kill you.

designer :
JUNE - visualwalker

header image :
IU - korean singer

lyric :
IGNITE - you