how to recognize I'm a psycho1:46 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2012
i just saw a spider in a cup of water. it crawled out cos the level of water was too low.
i poured a bit more water in the cup. it turned itself upside down. and i saw it vainly swimming to and fro inside the cup. trying to balance itself. find the way back - up and out against the edges where it could breathe and climb and be an insect freely.
as i watched it i felt a strange sense of satisfaction. but i also wondered how long would it fight? i kept staring at it jerking frantically trying to survive. the strange thing is I felt no pity. none at all.
i imagined it as you, feeling every bit of pain and heartache I went through. feeling like you had no way out. like you couldn't breathe. like you were literally, drowning, in all the sadness and shame that I went through.
and i wished it was you. i wished desperately it was you. I don't know how long I was staring at it, enjoying its struggle. wishing it was
your struggle
I blew at the spider - after several false alarms of being still in the water. when i blew it it always managed to move feebly and start its frantic motions again.
finally it managed to right itself and miraculously, climb out and quite speedily out of the cup. it frantically zigzagged back on forth on the cup and for one horrific moment I thought it was on my fingers but I realized it was back on the mug. I even thought it managed to get out onto the table but no, it was still on the cup. maybe all the water had slowed it down, but my fingers deftly closed in on it.
i squished it with a sense of sickening satisfaction.
die you little creature.
die.
you are disgusting, a worm
you deserve every bit of pain because of what you did to me.
and i washed its body down the sink.
i wished it was you.
i wished it was you.
