Visual Walker

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5:04 AM

Saturday, May 23, 2009

what happened to me and my ability to separate; compartmentalize?
i want to cut the cord, but i cannot
its because of that stupid promise i made, i am tied to it.
i need to do this, for myself.
but i'm being selfish,
and i'm not supposed to be that way.
i'm supposed to be a loyal, true, good friend who's ALWAYS got your back 24/7 no MATTER what.
what if that line blurs sometimes?
what if every day it gets a little harder.
and i can't even tell you everything.
you would never understand.
which is a pity.
as of right now, secrets can kill and
i'm drowning in the weight of TWO.

it's not fair.
but life never is.
oh,how i wish i had no emotions, no feelings.
if i had the ability to choose when i could turn them on and turn them off.
life would be so much easier for me
instead of these impetuous, foolish things that make me curl up at night
and wish I wasn't so FREAKING alone.
i'm so envious and bitter and hateful
it's not good for me.
I need to rise above this and stop thinking about myself.
my sorry, pitiful, pathetic self.
i want to shut you out, but a promise is a promise and i always try to always keep my promises,
God help me.
God help me.
God, are you there?
I know You are.
I know You're listening, watching.
Help me learn from my mistakes.
i have this bad habit of shutting everyone out
when i need people; friends, the most.
maybe that's why I feel like I'm alone, like nobody cares.
now the nights are growing cold
i'm grasping at straws now,
desperate for a hand to hold.
these fears are becoming real
i need to face them. and be strong.
they always said 'you need to face your monsters to make them go away'
but they never told me it would be so difficult.
~

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you.

Labels: emo, sadness, secrets, song lyrics