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Labels: cleaning, shammie, swine flu

i confess i'm feeling a little tired.
burned out.
emotionally worn.
numb.
sad.
every day it's sinking in a little deeper.
i feel like i'm alone.
but i know I'm not.

~tuning into 'Britt Nicole's 'Don't Worry Now'~
"Don't Worry Now"

[CHORUS]
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be ok

I've been trying to find a way to understand
When I can't see the picture of God's plan
Why would He let us hurt so bad?
Could anything good come of these feelings that I have?
He loved me more than the sand on beaches
He loved me more than the grass is green
And even though he had to go I always knew his love was part of me

When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now

It's taken so long to let this go
It's taken so long to feel that
Your right here next to me
And I can finally breathe
It's taken so long but now I know
I had to find out on my own
When nothing could convince me
Your love it convinced me
That it's gonna be ok

When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be
It's gonna be ok

Labels: sadness

This is the second time I'm crying over Yu Vern's passing away.
'Why?' You might say.
Well, Yu Vern and I were not close. I barely even talked to him other than the occasional 'hi bye how are you' and perhaps other random exchanges of words.
but he was in my old circle of friends.
and that, in itself, cuts close to the heart.
You know how when you're young you think you're invincible?
like you can do anything, be anyone. live forever.
That's not true at all.
Life is fleeting.
As I'm typing this tears are blurring in my eyes.
I feel like this is sinking in my heart for the second time.
I've just read the letter my old best friend, Roanne, wrote to Yu Vern when she found out about the horrible news.
And a part of me wants to rage at God.
'It's not fair, God.
'It's not fair at all. He was so young.'
And I blame myself for not being closer to him. not trying harder to talk to him, to be his friend. .most importantly, to tell him about Jesus. I hope he had time to make peace with the Heavenly Father before slipping away.
I hurt for you, Roanne Lau.
You were my best friend and that kind of big thing from the past never leaves you.
Perhaps we are different now, we don't really talk.
But I still care for you very much
I wish this had never happened.
And I hate that this had to happen
to the boy you love.
Love hurts.
It really does.
This time I can write with the experience of one who has had my heart broken before.
This pain is different from me, slightly similar, yes,
and so fresh., the wound will hurt like hell.
I'm so sorry this happened.
None of us understand why it had to happen.
I know people say 'God has a reason for everything' and i've always thought it was SO freaking cliched.
and it IS. but it's so true.
I wish I could do so many things now.
Fly over to Australia and give you a hug.
Go out with you and talk about all the things under the sun.
Hurt with you, cry with you.
Tell you that you're NOT alone.
Tell you that 'I'm here for you'
because I never really was there for you,
I haven't been, not for a long time anyway.
And this time I want to do the right thing.
I want to look back and not regret my life.
Even now it's so hard for me to believe he's gone.
one of my friends.
but I think,
if this hurts for me,
this must be a living hell for YOU.
As I'm looking at his photos,
I'm glad you had some time with him.
It's good that you loved him and that he loved you back.
Love is so rare to come by nowadays.
Even for a short while,
but it's better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all.
It's so difficult to find someone to love you back.
But you found it.
Don't let this make you stop loving, Row.
Because love is one of the strongest substances in the world.
Besides faith.
Don't give up on it, Roanne.
Don't give up on life. love. faith. hope. God.
Because he would never want that for you.
And despite my not knowing him very well I am sure he would want you to continue living;
yes, living life to the fullest.
I don't know how to express what I'm feeling in words.
But I'm here for You.
God is here for you.
He loves you, way more than I ever could.
Talk to Him
and then talk to me.
Trust me.
This is probably the darkest time in your life.
and it's not good to let the darkness cloud your thoughts,
don't let it consume you
to become bitter, angry at God.
I've been there before, and it's not a good place to be.
Let your friends and family be there for you, to comfort you, to love you
Don't push us away.
It's okay to cry. it's not a sign of being weak. we find strength in one another and in God.
Let us be here for you. We are all in this together.
I know you have been a positive influence in Yu Vern's life, because that's how who you are.
You've always been a good person, a shining light to others.
Continue to do that..
Take care, Rowie.
I love you.
may God give you the strength to face each day.
__

I found this online.
and I thought the words are so true.

The title is: For Everything God Has A Reason

I thought in my heart that I’d give up and die,
for the voyage was rough and why should I try?
I floundered around in a turbulent sea
while the billowing waves kept crashing on me.

The storms raged wildly and the waters rose high;
I knew I was drowning and I cried, "Lord, why?"
I heard a voice answer; it seemed to descend
from out of the clouds and the violent wind.

Then God whispered to me, "I see you down there,
swimming alone in your black sea of despair.
I‘ve watched as you struggled in life‘s hurricane;
I’ve patiently waited till you called My name.

The waters are swift and it’s so hard to sail,
for when you ignored Me I commanded a gale.
I sent the waves crashing in hopes you would see
that you couldn’t survive without help from Me.

If your life were easy and storms never came,
be honest, my child, would you call out My name?
If you’ll surrender your heart and give it to Me,
I’ll be there to calm the most treacherous sea."

The waters at once became still as a breeze;
I said, "Thank You, dear Lord," and fell to my knees.
My heart felt as light as a gull on the wing,
and I lifted my voice His praises to sing.

Now when storms of life rage and waves billow high,
I don’t bother my Lord with questions of why.
He gave me His promise and I understand
I’ve only to ask and He’ll lend me His hand.

~Copyright © 1995 Ruth Gillis~
__
edit: more things to add
today was the day of Yu Vern's cremation. all of us cried, reminisced about all the times we had spent with him. inside me, there was a deep deep ache. an ache that makes your eyes burn and your throat choke with tears. I've never experienced this before. Death has never cut so close to home before. It's so hard to believe he's really gone and he'll never come back again. But I know he wouldn't want us to be sad for long. He'd want us to remember all the good times we had with him and he'd want us to dwell on that.
Yu Vern, I'll always remember you as a guy of few words. oh, and you were kinda camera shy too. i always had to force you to take photos with me. and even when you succumbed, you wouldn't smile! and that used to drive me amusedly crazy. but even then, always making the rest of us laugh.
As I type this now, I am confident that Yu Vern is with our Heavenly Father.
God was holding him all along. As He always holds us when we are fallen.
Yu Vern was full of life. He loved life, and embraced it to the fullest. I hope we'll be inspired by him and learn to live life, live every day as if it was going to be our last. Someday we'll be accountable for everything we have done in our lives to God. Love, and live life with all your heart. Don't take life for granted. Don't take the people you love for granted. Don't stop smiling and laughing because that is meant to heal hearts, in time. I think I know what he would have said to you, Rowie, if he had the chance. I think he would have said, 'I love you. Don't be sad okay? I'll see you someday. Take care.' and he would have told us, your friends, to look after you and make sure you were okay. because he would have wanted you to keep on living, loving, because he would have wanted the best for you.
So, as I conclude this post, Rest in Peace, Lim Yu Vern.
God be with you, He'll look after you. He'll take care of you. we love you. we miss you. we won't forget you. we'll remember you. And we'll see you someday in Heaven. take care.

here's some photos for the memories.
laugh, love, cry. we're all in this together.
all the good times, the bad times.
Yu Vern, your memory will always be in our hearts.
In Loving Memory of Lim Yu Vern.
October 14, 1992 to 30th May, 2009.

Labels: hurt, Roanne, sadness, Yu Vern

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